There will be pandemonium on the streets of Provo and Orem come this November. Here's to being one of the few that will not be participating.
Utah County does not deserve an In & Out. The following essay will attempt to explain why.
Why Utah County Does Not Deserve an In & Out
by Jessica Y.
by Jessica Y.
I started off this post with an assumption that In & Out will create some commotion upon opening. Let me make myself clear: this commotion will not be caused by the residents of Utah County but will be instigated by the many California-ers and Vegas-ites (and Arizonians, must I not forget) that have relocated to Utah for various reasons. It is these pioneers who have demanded that quality be something you can taste in burger form. It is these forefathers that recognized the dire need for a burger joint that fully satisfied their carnivorous cravings, who recognized that such a place existed but only outside of Utah. It is the ingrates in Utah County that will be reaping the rewards of OUR benevolence and OUR willingness to share the pinnacle of burger perfection. We have labored long and hard, petitioning the great burger gods to grace us with the meaty, juicy goodness that was once ours. The time is coming, the day is dawning...In & Out is setting up shop in the UC.
Utah County-ers who have experienced In & Out commonly diss on its lack of burger merits. I've heard one too many UCers express their general dislike of In & Out and its failure to impress them. My response immediately follows: sheer and utter disgust for a waste of faulty tastebuds on a tongue. Are you for reals? No seriously, ARE YOU FO' REALS?!?!?! We've got facebook groups devoted to In & Out with fans that are willing to drive from Provo to Washington City, Utah in order to eat a burger!!! Have you ever heard of another burger place generating that kind of devotion, that kind of fandom?
This is why In & Out burgers reign supreme:
Bun-perfection
Lettuce-perfection
Tomato-perfection
Meat-perfection
Cheese-perfection
Onion-perfection and also offered "animal style"
Special sauce-perfection
Furthermore, Utah County is oversaturated with burger joints: JCWs, Burger Supreme, Chadder's (an In & Out impostor), 5 Guys (all of which I have been to and later regretted). There is never a shortage of burgers in the UC. UC thinks it doesn't need another burger place; they think they have all the burger joints they could ever possibly want or need. They are satisfied with their overabundance of sub-par establishments and have no more room in their hearts to accept anything beyond mediocrity.
Finally, warm weather is a must for In & Out to thrive. For goodness sakes, there are red palm trees printed on their cups and on the outside decor. Have you ever seen a palm tree in the UC? When I think of In & Out I think of California casual, flip-flops and short-shorts. It will be incredibly bizarre to behold an In & Out covered in snow, patrons huddled up inside for warmth from the blistering cold.
So in short, I will not be celebrating with the non-UCers who finally had their prayers answered mainly because I do not support an In & Out being opened in a place ridden with ingrates. I will also not forgive those UC-ers who repent of their wicked ways and discover they were oh-so-wrong and I, along with 50 bajillion other people, were oh-so-right.
Man, if my rhetoric teacher (who is imaginary) ever read this argument he would probably shake his head and look severely disappointed. I don't care. I'd tell him to go eat an In & Out burger and leave me alone.
Utah County-ers who have experienced In & Out commonly diss on its lack of burger merits. I've heard one too many UCers express their general dislike of In & Out and its failure to impress them. My response immediately follows: sheer and utter disgust for a waste of faulty tastebuds on a tongue. Are you for reals? No seriously, ARE YOU FO' REALS?!?!?! We've got facebook groups devoted to In & Out with fans that are willing to drive from Provo to Washington City, Utah in order to eat a burger!!! Have you ever heard of another burger place generating that kind of devotion, that kind of fandom?
This is why In & Out burgers reign supreme:
Bun-perfection
Lettuce-perfection
Tomato-perfection
Meat-perfection
Cheese-perfection
Onion-perfection and also offered "animal style"
Special sauce-perfection
Furthermore, Utah County is oversaturated with burger joints: JCWs, Burger Supreme, Chadder's (an In & Out impostor), 5 Guys (all of which I have been to and later regretted). There is never a shortage of burgers in the UC. UC thinks it doesn't need another burger place; they think they have all the burger joints they could ever possibly want or need. They are satisfied with their overabundance of sub-par establishments and have no more room in their hearts to accept anything beyond mediocrity.
Finally, warm weather is a must for In & Out to thrive. For goodness sakes, there are red palm trees printed on their cups and on the outside decor. Have you ever seen a palm tree in the UC? When I think of In & Out I think of California casual, flip-flops and short-shorts. It will be incredibly bizarre to behold an In & Out covered in snow, patrons huddled up inside for warmth from the blistering cold.
So in short, I will not be celebrating with the non-UCers who finally had their prayers answered mainly because I do not support an In & Out being opened in a place ridden with ingrates. I will also not forgive those UC-ers who repent of their wicked ways and discover they were oh-so-wrong and I, along with 50 bajillion other people, were oh-so-right.
Man, if my rhetoric teacher (who is imaginary) ever read this argument he would probably shake his head and look severely disappointed. I don't care. I'd tell him to go eat an In & Out burger and leave me alone.
6 comments:
okay, i'll admit the past two comments were from daniel but i made him remove them. yes, i do believe in censorship. ;)
The presence of such an In & Out would simply entice otherwise levelheaded people to stay in Utah County. It would be a tragedy on a Homeric scale.
Although it'll be sweet to have an In-n-Out there, you have some very true points. UCers don't appreciate quality burgers. It's disgusting to me how many people tell me "I went to Chadder's and it's just the same as In-n-Out." Chadder's is nowhere near the quality of In-n-Out.
The information here is great. I will invite my friends here.
Thanks
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