I find my previous entry deserves a bit more explication. It is much too terse, wouldn't you agree? Readers, if you find me writing with a sort of 18th century Jane Austen tone, I give my utmost apologies, as Mr. Darcy has been on the brain with more fervor than usual.
Before I begin my impending tirade, I must caution you that I hope I do not come off as conceited. I will explain further why you should not judge me as being so.
People expected me to be married by now....
and I don't necessary believe it had anything to do with my own merits as a person. I don't believe myself to be any prettier, more talented or well-bred than any other girl who graces BYU's campus. I think it is the result of an erroneous, yet widely propagated belief that girls at BYU are bound to find their eternal companion (Mormons believe marriage is sealed both here and the afterlife) if they play everything just right. My own mother once exclaimed, "We sent you to BYU with high hopes you would find a husband, and here you come back with nothing!" In that instant, I felt like I had been relegated to the position of an 18th century woman, her speech resonated with something Elizabeth Bennet's mother would have said. My family situation is a unique one; I am the youngest of 4 and quite often called "the surprise." My significantly older siblings have established marriages and an abundance of children. 2/3 found their spouses while attending BYU, so it would only seem natural that I would follow suit.
To a fault, I felt many unnamed individuals would harass me about marriage prospects and plans. Our conversations would often weigh more heavily on the actual event of marriage, instead of focusing on the person whom I was dating or the relationship we had formed. It was always, "When are you getting married," instead of the more germane question, "How is your relationship?" The marriage pressure seemed even further intensified by my many visits to Facebook and the deluge of wedding invitations that would be sent to me. No doubt, I was happy for my friends' success in finding a compatible partner, but at the same time, I wondered if I was to be the minority of husbandless girls on campus. It is funny how we tend to dismiss a person's happiness as real, merely because we have not experienced it. I suppose it is a coping method we as humans employ. I will not pretend I have failed to fall victim to these coping strategies, though I am less plagued by them as I was before. They [my friends] can be happy as married folk, and I can be equally happy as a single person.
I think an analysis of the actual statistical data can help us realize how far-fetched our beliefs are. I refer to the following article:
Study focuses on BYU marriage perceptions
Daily Universe Staff Reporters
29 Apr 2005
By SAMANTHA HALL and LACEY HOLMES
The story is legendary: a BYU couple meets, gets engaged and is married in a matter of a few months.
Recent studies have shown, however, this may not typically be the case.
A group of BYU students in a communications research class studied the perceptions and realities of marriage at BYU recently and found surprising results.
Over 250 selected participants were surveyed during winter 2005 semester to study marriage and dating norms at BYU.
“We found that overall, BYU students’ perception of marriage was skewed from the actual statistics,” said researcher Michelle Haw, a 21-year-old advertising major, from Toronto.
The study focused on the age of students at the time of marriage, the length of their engagement, and the amount of time they had spent dating.
When asked at what age most students were married, respondents guessed the ages to be 23 years for males and 20 years for females.
According to the study, however, the average ages were actually 23 for males and 22 for females. This shows a two-year gap in perception for women’s age.
Respondents perceived engagement length to be four months, but the survey results indicated that the actual length was five months.
“I think there are a lot more lengthy engagements, but you hear about more short ones,” said BYU graduate Justin Henrie.
With an even larger difference, dating length was perceived to be nine months. The survey indicated that it was actually a little over 14 months.
“Everyone’s dating,” McIntire said. “You hear so many more stories of people dating and getting engaged than, ‘I’m single.’ You hear the extremes.”
The study also showed that the older the respondent was, the higher they perceived marriage age to be.
“They’ve been dating longer, they’ve probably been in more relationships, and they’re still not married,” said Nicole Elder, an 18-year-old freshman, from Highland. “People base their assumptions on their experiences.”
According to official BYU statistics, 22 percent of the student body is married. In contrast, survey respondents guessed the percentage to be 40 percent.
“I think it has to do with the BYU culture,” said researcher Camille Jensen, a senior from Plano, Texas, majoring in communications. “Marriage is such a huge thing. It’s ingrained in every aspect of BYU. People hear that; they come to BYU and they expect to get married just because that’s how it is. You come to BYU to get married.”
Irene Adams, a professor of communications who oversaw the project, believes the study was conducted correctly and professionally.
“The survey was clear and unbiased,” Adams said. “The sampling process was random and appeared to be representative of the student body at large, even though the sample turned out to be smaller than was planned. So the results should be considered accurate.”
Adams also said she felt the findings reflected a significant difference between reality and perceptions.
“This goes along with (researchers’) belief that there is a perception that dating and marriage at BYU occur much more quickly than may actually be the case,” Adams said.
DISCLAIMER: This survey does not claim to be completely accurate, and it may have some bias from differing research factors.
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In 2009, only 25% of the daytime student body could claim a married status (OIT/SAAS T19, Institutional Studies). I guess the remaining 75% of the student body escape my Facebook friend's list ;).
To my single ladies, I believe there is purpose behind our single status, and whatever that purpose may be, I hope we will devote our time towards finding it and fulfilling it. Your worth is not determined by your dating/marriage status.
As for me, I guess it's high time to go on a mission...since I'm 22 with no marriage prospects and obviously a complete and utter menace to society. Just kidding...I'm enjoying my time working in Las Vegas and preparing for graduate school. I have been immensely blessed in finding work related to my major and finding a cozy place to live with a most amiable roommate.
